The surprise is here!
This is a song I loved the moment it came out. The more I listened the more the song played out as a movie in my head. I decided to share it with the world. I hope you like it.
Chris got quite all of a sudden. We had been at the bar for a couple hours now and everything had been fine. What the hell had I said? A few minutes past then he took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eyes. This wasn’t going to be good. “What’s going on man?” I asked.
“She’s getting married.”
My mind went blank. One word was taking up all the space I had in there. No! This couldn’t be happening. She was mine. I know we’d broken up but, it was never gonna last. It couldn’t. The word no got smaller and smaller with ever objection that took up residence in my head. The no was gone in the end and I knew it had to right to be there to begin with. I had let her go and I had to let go of all I still thought we had as well. She wasn’t mine, not anymore.
It has been over a year since I seen or talked to Selena and I was somehow still holding on to us. These images of us living together in this beautiful house, married and holding onto each other at night, the way we did when we were together. All tangled limbs and jabbing bones. We had a way of waking in what should have been some of the most uncomfortable positions. But with us they felt right. Those memories still feel right to me. They feel like my home and I can’t stand the idea that she no longer feels the same.
“Your looking at it again.” My best friend Gigi said with a wink.
She was right, I had been looking at my engagement ring once again. But not for the reason she thought. She believed I was completely happy with Justin my fiance of about a week. She was wrong. I wasn’t looking at the ring because I loved it, and what it signified, who it signified. I was looking at it because it had no meaning for me. I wasn’t marrying the man I really wanted. Charlie and I had broken up over a year ago and he was the only one I still wished was holding me at night. No matter how much I miss him though I can’t help but hope that he has a nice woman that can give him what he needs, that he wouldn’t have to settle like I was.
I have been to his place since we broke up. But I could never make myself really believe he would welcome my being there. So, I walked away, shattered, alone, and still missing him more then words can describe. It was after one of these trips that I had finally said yes to Justin. I was to heart sick and lonely to hold out anymore. He had been asking for more then a month and I know he hadn’t expected my yes.
I looked at the ring on my finger one more time and knew I had to go home. I couldn’t continue to lie to myself tonight. So I got up kissed Justin as lovingly as I could and told him I was headed home. I knew he would be here for a bit longer. All his friends were with him in the restaurant ribbing him about his engagement. They would get buzzed and then walk home. He was a good and law abiding man like that. It also made his safe. He was nothing like the daring and slightly dangerous man Charlie was.
As soon as I was out the door I felt better. I breathed in the fresh air and just walked. I didn’t know where I would end up. But I wasn’t ready to go home and see my stuff mixed with Justin’s right now. Not when all I could think about was how much it hurt not to have the man I really wanted. That would just be adding salt to the wound. So I walked around the city, starring into the shop windows and listening to the world around me move on.
I ended up at our park and knew I shouldn’t go in. Charlie and I had been here for so many of our firsts. Our first kiss, hug, date, intimate touch, and our first time. I don’t recommend that last one. We almost got caught. But I will admit it was the most romantic spot it could have happened in. I got to the spot Charlie and I had spent most of our time at, it was a little area with a bunch of trees that made it hard to see into. I looked around me and fell to my knees, weeping for all I once had. I lost myself to the tears. I didn’t want the world or reality here. I wanted Charlie here holding me and telling me it was all a mistake that we’d fix things together. That we still had a chance.
I walked into our place. That’s what the center of this particular park would always be in my mind, and stopped. There was a beautiful girl laying on the grass crying. I didn’t know what to do. I could try and help. But given that this spot was the most private place in this park I wondered if she was here to be alone. Then I saw it. The small silver bracelet with music note charms. My heart stopped and my body turned to stone. I had given her that on her birth right in the corner of the park. She had given me herself for the first time that night. I couldn’t move. The girl was Selena. The one girl I prayed and after Chris’s new tonight dreaded seeing again. I stared and stared. Trying and failing to get my body to do something. I couldn’t just stand here and watch her cry. I thought about what was happening and knew this might be my last chance to hold her ever again.
I rushed to her side, slide my arms around her and pulled her into my lap. I felt right for the first time since we broke up. I had her where she was meant to be and I was were I was meant to be. Only one problem…how was I ever letting go of her again?
I came back to myself and felt him there. I knew it was Charlie the same was I knew how to breath. It was something I needed and I would always know the feeling of, the feeling of him. I got as close as I could to him and then I opened my eyes and looked into his. “Hi” was all I could think to say. He smiled.
“Hi.” he said back and then lowered his head and kissed me like we had never broken up. I pushed him down and straddled his lap and I kissed him with everything in me. He rolled on top of me. I rolled on top of him once again. We battled and kissed for what felt like hours barely coming up for air. Trying to stop the kiss took just as long. We would stop then go back for one more peck then touch our foreheads together and the kissing would start all over again.
Finally we controlled ourselves. I was once again in his lap but I was okay with that. I took this time to really look at him. He hadn’t changed much in the last year. I was grateful for that.
She was checking me out! It shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. Oh I was taking her in as well, of course. But I never changed. I have always had the same basic everything and I guess maybe it was just the knowledge that someone I wanted to look at me was really looking that was the real shock. I had been dreaming of her for so long it felt unreal to have her in my arms once again.
She hadn’t changed much either I was happy to notice. Her hair was a bit longer and her figure a bit different. I could figure out how but she had grown taller or something. I couldn’t help what I said next. But, I also couldn’t look her in the eyes as I said it. “Don’t marry him.” I slowly let my eyes lock with hers. She had to know how much I meant those words and what it took to say them.
“Okay.” Simple and perfect.
“Took you long enough.” She said it with a glint of teasing in her eyes.
I laughed. I knew she was my only. I was starting to learn that I was hers. The rest we would figure out. No it wouldn’t be easy. There were reasons we had broken up. I couldn’t remember them right now but I knew down to my bones that I could handle anything but losing her again.
It took months for us to get everything figured out and solved. She had an engagement to break and her stuff to pack. I had to make room in my apartment for her and sort things out with my landlord. Then I had to get the ring she now ware on her right hand. Everything was solved without to much hassle. Which her and I were really grateful for. Now all that was left was to plan the wedding get married and live happily ever after.